What are the challenges I faced, the list of excuses, and reasons why I can’t succeed?
I grew up in a loving home. We always had food on the table, even if we did go through periods where the money was tight. My mom loved me unconditionally, and so did my dad. My dad always pushed me to do more, and told me I was the best. But for some reason, I still doubted myself. For my whole life, I have lowered my expectations of what I was capable of achieving. I’m still not even sure why. It could have been because I subconsciously feared succeeding because that meant more pressure, or it could have just been because I grew up a certain way and felt like I would be content with just that.
There have been many times in my life when I had a choice to man up or fold, and I gotta say that there are a few times when I did the latter. Those decisions may not have felt like much back then, but they definitely made their mark on my psyche. The main example I could think of was when I quit playing college football. I worked so hard from the age of 12 or so to achieve my dream of playing at the next level somewhere. Finally, when I got to Columbia, I was hit with the reality that I was no longer the superstar. Everyone who showed up was a superstar at his school. As a freshman, I witnessed a few people quitting and held them in contempt. I thought to myself, “How could someone just quit? How could they squander this opportunity?” But after two years of not playing much and feeling like a victim because I felt like I deserved more—and seeing many other people quit—when one of my best friends (a fellow running back) brought it up, I was all for it. I went to the office of the man who recruited me in high school and told him. He was so disappointed and frustrated. After it was all said and done, I felt relief. But over time, I realized that I took the easy road out, and yet, I never went back, even though I could have. That is something that will always eat at me. Unfinished work.
Currently, what continues to plague me these days is doubt. Do I have what it takes to make it and provide for my family without working for someone else? Will I ever make as much as I used to? Does my wife resent me for the decision I’ve made to try and become an entrepreneur? I say “try” because I can’t seriously call myself an entrepreneur yet. I haven’t created anything beyond a bunch of exercise programs, a podcast, a youtube channel, and a small coaching business that brings income, but not nearly enough. Will I create something tangible and original, like what I have seen some of my best friends create? The bottom line is that I am full of doubt, and fear. I work at it every day, but sometimes it can paralyze me. If I am to succeed, this needs to go away, along with all the other excuses that pop into my head daily as I continue on this new path.
I am currently listening to David Goggins, 'Can’t Hurt Me’ and writing this down has been the first challenge. #badhand #canthurtme